im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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