I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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