What a fucking waste of an outfit
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You were trust falling into bushes
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
