you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
