he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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