Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
