I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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