Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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