Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
