Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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