Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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