Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
