I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You pole danced in your parka.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
