my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
