i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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