she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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