I wanna bring you to show and tell
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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