Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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