I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
