The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
