Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
