Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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