Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
