the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
