Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
