I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
