Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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