He kissed a someone with a penis
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
