when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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