My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
