Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
