you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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