this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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