I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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