I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
