i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just gargled with NyQuil
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
