EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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