whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
