my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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