We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Randomize
