Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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