U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
