Me. At least after what I've been through.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
