That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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