I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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