so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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