so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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