I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
