You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
