I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
