Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
