ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
