capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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