I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
