Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Boobs speak an international language.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
