i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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