my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
