are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
