why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
