just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
