I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
